Now that Batman Begins has opened we have two uninterrupted weeks to soak up the Fantastic Four media blitz. However, if Batman's ad campaign promised a dark story of vengeance and fear, the Four's campaign promises us the local news.

Have a look at the movie's official page. It has the basic format of the movie's print and online ads.

The confusion starts with that logo. The 4 looks less like a hero tally than a channel I can tune to for the latest grisly murder in my neighborhood.

Enter the four photos. Someone in Fox's marketing department decided to pose these superheroes as statically as possible. They've got all the dynamism of the news team I can trust. There's Mr. Fantastic, my generic looking anchor. His comely colleague and reporter in the field, The Invisible Woman. Loose-cannon sports personality, the Human Torch. And lastly, The Thing, a misfit weatherman with a heart of gold.

If you've spent any time on a site that FF has been advertising on (ESPN.com is well saturated), you've seen a condensed version of these images that smacks even more of the Channel4NewsTeam ad on the side on the public bus.

Instead of hooking the Four up with Magic Johnson for a weak NBA Finals promo, someone at Fox should send them over to the News department.

--An Open Letter to the Representatives and Senators of the Various States

Dear Messieurs and Madams;

I write to you today with a proposal so unbelievably unique, so staggeringly simple and so astoundingly amazing it is appalling that you, yourselves, have not already undertaken to engage in it.

I propose the incorporation of the United States of America (US). I propose that the US cease to operate as a wasteful and fraud-ridden public institution, and that instead the functions of governance be transferred to USA, Inc. (USAI), a proficient, focused business machine.

Corporations have a long and storied history of eliminating waste in any industry or endeavor to which they are applied. This sort of efficacy will benefit every part of USAI from the stockholders, to the employees, to the consumers. As a for-profit company USAI will reduce and eventually eliminate the national debt. Company executives will find themselves operating with the largest surplus of funds ever seen in any industry. With the proper leadership this kind of financial backing will allow USAI to address concerns in every aspect of both public and private life. Consumer confidence will soar and profits will follow. Finally, limited liability will do away with the pesky issue of accountability. There will no longer be the risk of a fickle public impugning a competent and decisive leader.

As many of you are members of the business community you will already be aware of the many similarities between the US and a corporation. The two, in fact, operate in much the same way. For example, the President is charged with the "business" of running the country and with providing an eloquent, thoughtful vision that employees can be proud of and consumers can trust. At the same time, Congress, much like a board of directors, is charged with protecting the stockholders' bottom line by building foundations of stability, fairness, and responsibility.

However, before I go further, we would like to address a question that, surely, has come to your minds. What product will USAI sell? The answer is quite simple: freedom. No name is more trusted when it comes to securing individual rights and liberties. As the number one exporter of freedom around the globe, the US has already done an outstanding job positioning itself on the vanguard of the freedom industry. With this excellent stewardship as a guide, USAI, as an incorporated, publicly traded entity, will continue in, and build upon, this fine tradition.

An important practice of any successful company, which the US has been engaged in for a number of years and that USAI will take in new and exciting directions, is branding. As you are well aware, the US has a magnificent record of promoting its brand around the world. From early test markets in the Philippines, to later, less direct methods in Iran, Guatemala, and Chile, the US has been overtly and covertly promoting a recognized and trusted brand.

Continuing with this kind of aggressive promotion will make USAI a leader among like-minded countries.

The US has already weathered fierce competition from such countries with poise and charisma. When the Soviet Union threatened the reputation of the US in the South East Asian markets, the US was quick to respond with direct, educational promotion. This effort was the keystone of a long-term strategy to recapture that demographic. Similarly, when nefarious competitors sought to undermine the US's business strategies in the Middle East executives launched a tough, but thoughtful campaign to regain control of those market shares.

I am confident that, once on the open market, USAI will surpass all the competition. Not only will it have brand recognition, consumer confidence, and market share, but also it will be the first on the market and therefore will have a healthy advantage over similar operations such as Canada, LTD and France and Co.

Naturally there will be hurdles to overcome. I have no doubt, however, that the same pluck and determination, which helped the US prevail so many times in the past, will again manifest themselves, and bring order to any trivial problems.

Sincerely,

Seth James Dutcher

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