Criticism. Essay. Fiction. Science. Weather.
week:
1"Mark it 8, Dude." Get it?
Plus, fake facts are for sissies. 2The reality of the unreal
and the art of chewing. 3Getting interrogative with the Dark Continent
and ants are the Internet's idol. 4The author displays his clothes in piles on his bedroom floor. And 1,000,000 Rhode Islanders can't be wrong. 5One size counterfeits all, plus there's a run on limes and the movies don't talk good no more. 6The sweet and no-so-sweet of time travel
and the rigors of uncancellation. 7Personal Parties and Friend Finders considered 8Gamers of the world unite too much
and the new Star Wars scores. 9This week: one guaranteed way
to make yourself more famous. 10Awkward and tacky journalism in celebration of journalism. Plus, individuality now more expensive. 11There are balls in your head
and buds in your heart. 12The upsides of federal incorporation.
The downsides of shoddy adevertising. 13The first 90ways Quaterly Review begins!
1, 2, 3 pieces of Criticism! 14Not being able to look away from
bad grammar and junk material but still LMFAO. 15Spam can be fun if you don't
mind the corporate pimping. 16Some movies go Direct-To-Video.
We feel their pain. 17What the American media doesn't
want you to know about the Tour. 18Dumbing down The Honeymooners for
the preschool set; plus, pain as upper. 19It's 2005. Do you know what your
building's ecological ethic is? 20That building is whispering
ethical nothings in your ear. 21These movies will never know the
warm embrace of a projector lamp. Direct-to-video reviews return! 22The English language is growing & 90ways is on the case.
Neologisms Spoken Here. 23The American frontier is back and ugly as ever:
Here comes Sheriff Privatization. 24When making a British book into a British movie, it's all about the British, no matter what galaxy you're in. 25Condi bites the big one, Apple bites Condi, or Apple just bites. Plus, all the news that's packaged poorly. 26The Second Quarterly Review cometh... 27The rap album based on [adult swim]
has already been leaked. 28The road to Blockbuster is paved with good intentions: Direct-to-Video reviews are back! 29The preschool set belongs inside the lines
and the rain belongs in It. 30They're what everyone's talking with:
Neologisms Spoken Here. 31What time is it?
It's Standard Candy Time. 32Transportation is overrated.
And underrated. 3390ways' investigators go into the field.
And are vaguely saddened. 34See it again, whether you want to or not.
Picture this, in spite of yourself. 35Old comedians don't die,
they just get taken seriously. 36Pro: It's a 90ways debate.
Con: Both sides are just so salient. 37As long as Brokeback Mountain is sold out, we'll keep giving you Direct-to-DVD Reviews... 38At least we can all agree those people who say "Happy Christmas" are insane. 39The Third Quarterly Review
is ringing out the old year! 40New words for the new year. 41False starts and happy endings.
There's value in dead-ends. 4290ways has a confession to make.
We made up our history, too. 43Bringing you the latest from the world of dissembling: 90ways inaugurates the Hoax Report. 44It ain't about the facts, ma'am.
It's about the truth. 45Oscar nominations have been handed out. Direct-to-DVD movies snubbed again. 46What are the 90 points of it all? 47Spring: new growth, redemption,
Spring Traning. 48Technological advances notwithstanding, there's a whole new kind of static over the 6 o'clock news. 49O'Reilly's on the warpath.
The Chinese are not. 50The Hoax Report returns. And Canada beats Team USA. (That last part's actually true.) 51There's a lot packed into that intro and we feel no need to approach it in an organized manner. 52It's a surprise;
that's why you should have seen it coming. 53It's our party and we'll cry if we want to. 54Now that big, gothic banner looks positively antique. Plus, who cares about which cares about baseball. 55Being proud of Junior and bored in June. 56Every time I hear that song, I see a Cornell alum hitting a home run. 57What do heroin and Christian prayer have in common? They both star in the Direct-to-DVD finale! 58The cutting room floor in the desert.
The recording studio at first base. 59Tinted contact lenses and poorly delivered jokes. Foolproof. 60If you can't make a real quick 70 mill, how else do you justify a $125 million budget? 61Landmark case of 2006:
Orchestra v. Organ. 6290ways is interested in the words here, too. 63Everything in Criticism today is not quite right. 64Sports Utility Vehicles. Sort Of.
Sports. Golf, anyway.
65It's our Second Annual First Quarterly Review! 66Behold: The return of new word reviews. 67Bringing global warming in from the cold,
one dollar at a time. 68Don't believe the zinc industry's hype. 69It's crazy on the street.
It's best-selling on the teevee.
70Still crabbing about lost CD revenue?
Time to learn to shake your new moneymaker. 71Thrown into a plane.
With snakes. 72Space and Worlds and
snakes on planes. 73One giant vehicle is for war,
the other is for one day sales. 74It's all laid out for you.
From the numbing consumerism to the noble freedom. 75Sure the natural majesty was great,
but how about that Motel 8? 76One of life's great mysteries:
An Arby's in Mountain Time. 77Fall teevee is upon us.
Maybe some of it won't suck. 7852 + 26 = 78.
One and a half years of Ways. 79The smell of pigskin is in the autumn air. 80Someone needs to speak up in the name of common sense. 81New words are all around us.
Neologisms Spoken Here. 82What Dallas is now to someone who never knew it before: The Nostalgia Watch. 83Oh. The Horror.
A special Halloween installment of The Hoax Report. 84It was awful.
WomenAndChildren awful. 85It's like Carrie, but even better.
And somehow that became a great movie. 86He's in the corner.
And he wants to help you sleep. 87Up in the air. It's a bird. It's a hot-air balloon.
It's the 90ways Hoax Report! 88Tearing through the sentimentality and the water-colored memories: It's the Nostalgia Watch. 89Of all the Anabaptists in all the world... 90It's the week we've all been waiting for. 91We're reviewing the quarter to ring in the new year. 92Ringing it in is a burden we all carry. 93Am I my brother's keeper? 94This is all true. 95Notes to Notes.
Sometimes ears taste better than pens. 96Neologisms Spoken Here.
New words created through misappropriation. 97The lies of the diamond dealers. 98Crime, punishment, and the bits in between. 99Same name.
Different albums. 100All the forensics in the world can't
turn up any evidence of character. 101What makes America great
and not so great. 102Fanboy hand-wringing. Shocking. 103Panic in the streets,
Monsignor style. 104It's our second anniversary.
Break out the cotton. 105He kills for all the right reasons. 106The World's Cheese Imagination is within our grasp... if only. 107It's never an easy choice. 108Just give me one thing I can play for.
Consuming Guilt
Judson Merrill
Regardless of the success of An Inconvenient Truth as a film, Al Gore's pet project has failed as a publicity venture. The purpose of such a documentary ought to be to disseminate the news and proof of global warming far and wide. Surely all the publicity the movie has earned has reached far more folks than the film itself. Not to mention, those who pony up the ten dollars to see the film are probably already convinced of the threat of global warming.
But the publicity swirling around An Inconvenient Truth is almost entirely about the warming of Al Gore, not the planet. Two themes prevail: "Will he run for president?" and "Oh my good gosh, look how lovable he is now?" Neither has anything to do with the man's slideshow on climate change or the body of evidence therein.
This isn't all Gore's fault. Although, he doesn't seem to have protested his many photo shoots or profile interviews, he is obviously trying to work within the system in place, to bring an awareness and a concern about global warming in from the cold, into the mainstream. It just so happens, the mainstream media are not particularly well set up to disseminate lots of wonky meteorological information. The system is much better at covering, say, the continuing adventures of Brangelina. Or the revitalization of a once maligned politician.
There is also some purity lost when something, a movement or a teevee show, goes mainstream. The small, unknown band that was so lovable becomes a famous, annoying publicity machine with fans that could ruin the best music. In the case of environmentalism, the move to get to the political center seems to have killed the idea of conservation.
Gore wants to bring the fight against climate crisis into the economic mainstream, as well as the media center. His enthusiasm for using capitalism to thwart the problem does have some exciting potential. New technologies will hold a lot of the answers as we sort out the puzzle of living a sustainable life. There surely is a great deal of money to be made by those who figure out how to green our economy and culture. A key discovery in renewable energy would be valuable indeed as oil climbs out of our price range. But the impulse to solve our problems with a heady dose of capitalism also whitewashes away the continued problem of over-consumption.
Gore and his mission of fighting climate crisis with capitalism were at the center of last month's survey in Wired magazine of the so-called neo-greens, those environmentalists who have come in from the political fringes to support the capitalist solution. Amidst Wired's coverage were scattered the innocuous graphics and charts that mar print magazines today as they try, bizarrely, to be the Internet. One of them illustrated various ways in which the country's new environmentalists might live their capitalism, sustainable lives. Wired suggested they could buy an iPod cover made from plant matter. Conservation is out. Buying useless shit, so long as its organic/recycled/biodegradable, is in. The idea that we could take a bite out of some of our problems by buying less will never have the same appeal as a guilt free, shiny new iPod cover.
Guilt, indeed, is not a part of the new operating model for environmentalism. It's not feel good enough. It doesn't test in focus groups. And, thankfully, it can now be purchased away. In his various interviews and profiles Gore points out that he and his wife balance all the air travel they do to promote An Inconvenient Truth by buying carbon credits. The film also suggests a website viewers can use to calculate their own carbon emissions and how many credits they ought to buy back. Like Catholicism before the Reformation, Environmentalism will now allow you to pay away your sins. The need for reducing our carbon footprint is gone. There's a way to buy it away. Even if that's not how the carbon credit program started, that is how it will end. Buying carbon credits doesn't take your carbon emissions out of the air. The entire credit model is built around accepting a status quo. Anyone who happens to beat that status quo gets a little bonus -- they can sell some of their credits -- but those credits are still on the market, now ready to be bought up by someone who wants to drive three blocks to the store with the AC on.
Perhaps this is for the best. Over-consumption might not be a force we can stop. At this point, Americans' appetites may be so firmly in the On position that getting them to Off simply isn't possible. Or, there's a quicker, dirtier solution in simply making everything they consume sustainable or renewable. Going mainstream and turning to capitalism and skin-deep publicity may be the answer. Getting the most attention, even if it's not meaningful, and trying to bend consumerism to better itself may ultimately turn the tide on global warming. But as Gore well knows, you can win the popularity battle and still lose the war.