Overdone beverage reviews can be good fun. Have you ever played Guess the Notes? You get a bottle of common table wine or whiskey and pour a few glasses. One person is allowed to read the review on the label while others guess what notes they're supposed to taste. Oak is a sure shot. Red currant and black cherry are two usual suspects. It might take a few glasses to detect tar or cabbage.

Beverage reviews get silly because the sensory experiences are difficult to write down. Words, by themselves, are not smells or tastes. A beverage tasting might better be expressed within the realm of sensation. For example, two gulps from a frosty mug of refreshing lager might sound like so:

(from Symphony no. 3 in Eb, mvt. 2)

And this romanze recalls the way a person can fall into a deep, grave Burgundy:

(from Symphony no. 4 in d, mvt. 2)

These clips come from Schumann's four symphonies, as recorded by the Vienna Philharmonic and Leonard Bernstein. Many of the hooks in Schumann's Symphonies feature the brass instruments and therefore have the aural impact of sipping on whiskey: complex intensity. Let's compare notes to notes with four $30 Scotch blends.

The Dimple Pinch
On the rocks, The Dimple smells of hard cider and is decidedly boisterous. It is mad but lucid:

(from Symphony no. 1 in Bb, mvt. 1)

Served neat, The Dimple is attention-seeking and dramatic. Storm waves crash all around and the tongue drowns in brine!

(from Symphony no. 1 in Bb, mvt. 1)

Chivas Regal 12 Year Old
Chivas smells like citrus and green grass. It is Mercurial. Served neat, it dances and flies off the tongue too quickly. With one rock it will sit still long enough to reveal dandelions and bitter green tea. Here are two sips:

(from Symphony no. 1 in Bb, mvt. 4)

The Famous Grouse Gold Reserve
The Grouse has an appealing smell like vanilla and amontillado. It feels smooth like polished wood. Reedy smoke darkens green-yellow grass. The flavors evolve in surprising ways for quite a long time.

(from Symphony no. 2 in C, mvt. 1)

Johnnie Walker Black Label
Johnnie Black is smooth to the touch like brass. It is also aloof. Like a warm breeze in the summer twilight, it stirs the soul. It sparks the imagination. It is gone! Another sip is clearly called for.

(from Symphony no. 3 in Eb, mvt. 4)

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