Criticism. Essay. Fiction. Science. Weather.
week:
1As the maps to our official past, monuments and memorials literally set our history in stone. 2Civil War Re-enactments and the Bradley Fighting Vehicles that Love Them. 3One whatever's perspective on
American/Iranian relations 4Tin soldiers and Nixon's coming - Or -
Delaware is the geographical center of Ohio 5This is not about Terri Schiavo.
We promise. 6Stick it to the Gideons. 7California increases its prison population six-fold and strikes a blow for the union man. 8It's not you; it's me... 9What's the Christian Coalition going to do with this one? 10Corporate nonprofit? Isn't that an oxymoron? Jed Emerson doesn't think so. And neither should you. 11You heard it here first:
Michael Jackson, not guilty! 12What's good for GM is good for GM. 13The Quaterly Review continues...
...with 2 Essays from the archives. 14What's that smell?
Saying no to the post-expiration date Nation-State. 15An antidote to the All-Star Break: Life before
the homerun call was on steroids. 16An antidote to the All Star Break: Life before
the homerun call was on steroids (cont.). 17Riding the city at night with a radio. 18Why shampoo really is the key to global economic development. 19Goat meat and digital watches: how to lay down the law without writing down the rules 20The control button is right down there. Next to the Z button. 21Clear Channels and
Herfindahl-Hirschman Indices 22Le Corbusier, meet Dr. Livingstone: using blank spots on the map to plan urban development. 23Sunk before it started raining: how the Army Corps of Engineers dammed Louisiana. 24The Carceral Continuum: I got my diploma from a school called Rikers, knowhatimsayin? 25Hey Betty and Veronica, let's find out
who wrote the Book of Love. 26The quarterly reviews go marching two by two, hurrah! hurrah! 27It's a mosque; it's a church; it's ... a museum! 28We're back for seconds, and it's not even Thanksgiving yet. 29The only thing standing between you and free Internet is the Titanic. 30Capitalism: the worst economic system,
except all the others. 31All the cool kids are doing it... 32In America you get food to eat; won't have to run through the jungle and scuff up your feet. 33Q-Tip never wanted Tommy Hilfiger
to be his friend. 34I am what I am not, even if it's only because
that's what people think I am. 35From Good ... to Great! 36Daylight makes these cities shrink. 37¡AGUANTALA! 38A chicken in every pot and
a deed to every garage. 39Celebrate the seasons with the Quarterly Review! 40The jig is up, Mr. Nobel. 41Will the circle be unbroken?
By and by, Lord, by and by. 42There's nothing to figure out, General Turgidson. This man is obviously a psychotic. 43It's the Buddhists and the Communists
in a fight to the death. 44Yes, this Essay is about
Punky Brewster. 45This article isn't just about being a bad friend. 46Something has gone wrong with the bathmat. 47It's more of a suspended state of poverty. 48Politics has always been complicated, I guess. 49The Cuyahoga Daily Mirror, this ain't. 50If Air America couldn't do it
maybe Al Jazeera can. 51Bzz, Bzz. Who's there? A culture of transparency. 52RVs (but no propane) in the R.V. 53Adding ads ad nauseum. 54Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains: Peru's election goes to a runoff. 55The first kind is unpleasant and ill paid;
the second is pleasant and highly paid. 56Prison continues, on those who are entrusted to it, a work begun elsewhere... 57If versimilitude can be lost, then it must exist. But how can it exist in a world of irreconcilable inconsistencies? 58Certain young, beautiful, economically powerful women please take note. 59Bugs. On drugs. 60Progress. Genuine progress. 61Electricity and music. 62Garcia in; Chavez out. 63I thought globalization was
something we did to them. 64Twenty-three days, 189 bicyles.
Could there be anything better? 65The First Quarterly Review:
Taste it again for the first time. 66An undersized, ill-dribbling twenty-something
feeling jealous. 67Wal*Mart goes organic. Right. 68Stop us before we pollute again. 69Yes, they actually measure that. 70Even the Amish guys are cheating?
Not so fast... 71What Jeffrey Sachs would proclaim if he spent all day sitting on his tuchus. 72Blueberry or coconut infusion? That'll be extra. 73Point being: ride your bike. 74If it's still broke, don't fix it. 75If Judd and Sam can do it,
so can I. 76Grandma Kenya's new cell phone
package totally rules! 77Two bracelets and two necklaces?
That'll be $20 and your manhood. 78What Jeffrey Sachs would proclaim if he spent all day sitting on his tuchus. 79The elusive fall season... 80Kenneth Pollack gets no respect. 81900 is the new 300. 82That's affirmative. Or, at least, it ought to be. 83Where's the outrage? 84Saddam Husseing - not a good person. 85Headaches call for leeches on the temples. 86Less than nine months behind schedule
and OK by me. 87We may not know all the words,
but we know when it's done wrong. 88Nephrons. And Frank Ghery.
You make the call. 89All these activist legislatures are enough to make you miss Samuel Alito. 90See it again, for the 90th time. 91A Seventh Quarter Two-fer. 92The man they called Body Love. 93Five years old is far too old for a federal law. 94Being Very Professional 95Not a single loaf has left the building
for over a decade. 96An Absentee article. 97You're less than nothing.
You're dirt. 98Get down to the basics.
The basic basics. 99You can almost understand
why Britney shaved her head. 100April's coming.
Here's what's in store. 101The coolest thing ever. I think. 102Not only are we going to grow mangoes, but we'll sell them, too. 103Famous for being famous. Just like Paris Hilton, but less trashy. 104Fourth Quarterly Reviews bring spring
showers and 90ways anniversaries. 105There's a new bunny in town. Just in time for Easter.
106Dream small. 107If Hillside won, then I was Truckzilla. 108Disco boys on bicycles.
A Sport You Just Can't Trust
Carter Romansky
An event that major US sports and news outlets once considered nothing more than the Lance Armstrong show, this year's Tour de France has been in the American headlines more than any Tour in my lifetime. And not in a way that has been particularly flattering to the sport. Through this article, I hope to give a somewhat more subtle recounting of the race than most of the American media has to date, and I hope to reveal some underreported facts about the controversy that has developed since the end of the Tour.
First, the update: the day before the start of this year's Tour, roughly 30 riders were named as being "under investigation" by Spanish police for links to a Spanish doctor who had allegedly helped them cheat. Most of these riders, including the two top contenders for this year's yellow jersey, were suspended by their teams because of these allegations. As a result, none of the top five finishers from last year's Tour de France started this year's race: the winner (Lance Armstrong) because he retired, the second through fourth place finishers (Ivan Basso, Jan Ullrich and Francisco Mancebo) because they were suspended for being under investigation, and the fifth place finisher (Alexandre Vinokourov) because so many of his teammates were suspended they didn't have enough riders to meet the minimum requirements for a "team."
Before we go any farther with the update, there are two important points to make here: 1) at the time, none of these riders had been proven guilty of anything by any governing body of any sort. They were asked not to race simply because they were under investigation; and 2) since the end of the tour all riders on Alexandre Vinokourov's team have been cleared of all allegations. Additionally, all 13 members of another team that had been under investigation have been cleared as well. None of the suspended riders has been found guilty.
Now, let's get on with things: once the race got underway, it followed its typical week 1 trajectory -- lots of flat stages where nothing happens until the last 500 meters of a 200 kilometer race. The Australian man they call "Pocket Rocket" showed his dominance as a sprinter and the Norwegian man they call "Thor" showed that extremely large Norse gods can wear yellow, if only briefly and by the slimmest of margins.
In many ways, this year's race also took a typical trajectory through weeks 2 and 3, which is to say that things started to get important. However, this year's race was far different from previous years because of one important fact: there was no clear favorite for the overall title.
During weeks 2 and 3, as the Tour proceeds through the mountains, it is the job of the top contenders' teams to control the pace of the race. It is their job to make sure that their contender is able to keep pace with the rivals that are slightly ahead of him in the standings. But these teams have to be careful: any work that they do to help their guy gain time on the rival immediately in front of him will also help the rival immediately behind their guy gain time in the overall standings. In years past, when there were clear race favorites, most teams did not have to worry about helping the guy right behind them in the standings because they knew that their guy would likely gain back any time lost to the guy right behind him in a one-on-one setting.
But this year, with no clear favorite in the race, any benefit a team gave to the guy right behind them might come back to haunt them in subsequent stages because, on any given day, the guy right behind might be stronger than their own rider. As such, this year's mountain stages did not have the clockwork-organized proceedings of the Lance Armstrong Era, but rather consisted mostly of one team waiting around for another team to do something. In some ways, that's very exciting because fans did not know what to expect, with the possibility of an attack at any moment by any person. But in other ways -- ways that appeal to our sense of order and organization -- it leaves a guy longing for the days of Lance.
As many of you know at this point, all this waiting and watching ultimately landed a guy named Floyd Landis in the winner's jersey on the last day in Paris. How he got there is one of the most exciting stories in cycling history. Floyd first took the race lead on the last day in the Pyrenees - about ten days before the race ended in Paris. Then he gave it back as the peloton crossed the South of France for three days. Then he regained the lead on the first day in the Alps. Then he turned in a terrible performance and fell totally out of contention on the second day in the Alps. Then, in one of the great performances in the history of cycling, he came roaring back to the top of the leader board on the third day in the Alps. Finally, he secured the yellow jersey for good on the second day out of the Alps -- one day before the race ended in Paris.
*
Three days after the race ended, the body that governs the Tour announced that it had discovered an "adverse analytic event" during the race. Shortly thereafter, they leaked the news that the "adverse event" was related to a urine sample given by Floyd Landis after his epic Stage 17 win, the one that brought him roaring back from the depths of despair and into contention.
In bike racing, they look for just about any "adverse analytic event" you could imagine. In this particular case, the "event" circulating in Floyd Landis' blood was related to testosterone. More specifically, it was related to the ratio of testosterone to epitestosterone.
The reason the authorities care about this ratio is that testosterone has major effects on the athletic performance of humans - over time it helps them build muscle, recover more quickly from workouts and generally get more hairy and intimidating. However, epitestosterone does pretty much nothing, athletically speaking. As such, if one were to want to cheat, one would only add testosterone to one's blood and not bother with the epitestosterone. By looking at the testosterone to epitestosterone ratio, the thinking goes, you can know whether or not someone has been adding things to his blood that he shouldn't be.
We must pause here for a moment to stress that the only information that has been officially released about Floyd's blood concerns this ratio. Officially speaking, no one has said anything about Floyd's absolute levels of testosterone. As we all learned in middle school math, you can increase the ratio of testosterone to epitestosterone by either increasing the amount of testosterone or decreasing the amount of epitestosterone. In a surprisingly astute bit of reporting, ESPN has noted this fact on several occasions and even gone on to report rumors that the absolute level of testosterone in Floyd's blood was not high at all, but rather his level of epitestosterone was low. This is extremely significant on account of the fact that one must increase the absolute level of testosterone in one's blood if one wants to reap its athletic benefits.
So, when you see a report that Floyd tested positive for "high levels of testosterone," don't believe it. We don't know that yet. In fact some sources say that is specifically not the case.
Additionally, testing is pretty much a constant on the Tour, especially if you are an elite rider. Cycling is the only sport that requires all competitors to file reports every thirty days with its governing body disclosing their expected physical whereabouts on any given day throughout the month so that agents can show up at their doors to randomly test them. Floyd's blood was tested six times during this year's Tour, with no other test showing the "adverse analytic event" that his Stage 17 sample did. On the one hand that's pretty damaging. On the other hand, testosterone isn't the kind of thing you use on a one-off basis. The single dose effects of testosterone, according to most but not all, are essentially nonexistent -- it is over long periods of time that testosterone helps athletes build muscle and increase their performance. But on the third hand, testosterone is partially responsible for aggressiveness in males, and aggression is one thing that Floyd's other-worldly Stage 17 ride had in spades.
There are numerous other mitigating and incriminating factors in this whole saga -- Floyd's Phonak team has been implicated in doping cases before, though that was under previous management. Floyd has a hip condition that could possibly make this the last Tour that he races, but his Mennonite background stresses hard work and integrity. Lance Armstrong has stuck up for Floyd, but Lance Armstrong has stuck up for Floyd.
*
This morning, the New York Times is reporting that additional tests have been carried out on Floyd's original blood sample and that these tests indicate the presence of synthetic testosterone. Their information comes from a UCI (cycling's international governing body) official who has chosen to remain nameless.
These new findings may put all questions to rest. But then again, they might not. Regardless, the proceedings surrounding Floyd's blood are sure to continue for months ahead (even though Landis' backup sample will be tested, by special request and decree, before the French begin their national two-week August holiday this weekend). And as they do, other races will continue to happen. Other bikers will continue to cheat and not cheat. The rest of the cycling world will move on. But here in America, we'll hear none of this. We will continue to soak up (frequently inaccurate) information about the physiology of our athletes. And in that way, continue to contribute to the scienceification of our games.