As a woman in my mid-twenties I am afforded the luxury to ask the questions of if, when and, how I will raise children. Knowing I don't need to decide on the 'if' and 'when' right now, my thoughts focus on the more abstract 'how.'

Being a female with a college degree, and the standard history of babysitting for pocket money through my teenage years, I have been able to find a reliable and financially lucrative career nannying. The result is a vantage point and a philosophy of child rearing that differs from many childless individuals.

On a regular basis I witness bitter and resentful parent desperately trying to enjoy their attention-starved, annoying offspring. I see many parents spending money and time reading books, hiring self-proclaimed experts, and joining a variety of play groups just to figure out how to be a parent. These parents are constantly trying to make children convenient. They seem to resent their children for making demands on their time so are easily frustrated by them. And generally don't, it can appear, like their offspring.

However, on an equally regular basis I see parents who are genuinely pleased to be with their children. I see those parents immerse themselves in knowing their children, and I see them spend productive and rewarding time with them. These parents practice a style of parenting known as attachment parenting.

Attachment Parenting's (AP) basic principles are founded in biology and are historically grounded. Its fundamental theme is that the entire process of raising young is natural, normal, and that we are hard wired with the fundamental skills to succeed as parents. Only in the relatively new age of large, industrialized civilizations have people begin to deviate from these ideas.

The first principle of AP is bonding at birth. To place importance on birth bonding is to recognize the heightened sensitivity that both new mothers and newborns experience. AP seeks to make the birthing process as least traumatic as possible. Thus, it is wary of unnecessary c-sections and its philosophy has been partly responsible for criticizing the useless and sometimes harmful practice of episiotomies.

Belief in the baby's cries is the second basic principle in AP. Having watched many people deal with babies, without a doubt what causes the most frustration is crying. Many people are given the advice to "let them cry it out." This only causes parents to feel useless as parents, and teaches the child that their attempts to communicate are futile.

Breast feeding, sleeping close to the baby, and holding the baby a lot (often called baby wearing) are principles of AP I think could appropriately be called "parenting with oxytocin." Oxytocin is a relaxing, pleasure inducing hormone released by the hypothalamus. All three of these practices cause the release of oxytocin in both mother and child. This causes both to be less likely to become anxious and frustrated. In addition it creates a bond between the two; they begin to associate each other with feelings of contentment.

Additionally, breast feeding has health benefits for the child. Babies who are breast fed have fewer viral and bacterial infections throughout their childhood, gain weight quicker as newborns, and have less stomach problems through infancy. This practice also has the added benefit of being much cheaper than formula.

Babies who sleep next to their parent also gain weight more quickly. The mother, studies have shown, will get an average of two hours more sleep a night than mothers of babies who sleep in a different room. This due to the mother being able to remain in bed when the baby wakes up, and that the baby cries less hard and less often while so close.

New mothers will be exhausted no matter what, but having seen countless new mothers at various playgroups, music classes, and play-dates, I have consistently noticed the difference in mothers who practice parenting by oxytocin and those who don't. The later usually being short tempered and rife with complaints, as opposed to just being tired and a little confused by the world.

The final principle in AP is: beware of baby trainers. Baby trainers are almost puritanical is their pursuit of a baby that doesn't do anything they deem selfish. The goal of a baby-trainer is to mold a child who will sleep through the night and takes daily naps. To achieve this ideal the method is always the same, "let them cry it out." I have watched parents pay $350.00 for a two hour consultation with a grumpy, self-proclaimed baby expert. Only to be told they are doing their child a disservice by going to them when they cry at designated sleep times. The result is that the parents sit cringing, sick to the stomach, listening to their infant scream and cry for as long as an hour and a half (though I have heard stories of this going on for up to four hours). It usually takes about a week for the child to give up on the parents and start sleeping. By this time the parents have forced themselves to become insensitive, and, in my experience, that always carries over into other aspects of the parent/child relationship.

Though the title Attachment Parenting is relatively new, the tactics that it advocates are not. For the majority of human history attachment parenting has been the modus operandi when raising children. From the numerous families I have witnessed, following the model presented by attachment parenting seems to be the only method that gives credit to biology, has been proven effective by thousands of years of practice, and is fluid enough to allow for people of all socio-cultural backgrounds to use it. And allow parents to sleep through the night.

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